The One That Got Away
Hey there. How ya been? That's good to hear.
Look, I have something that I need to get off my chest. And I don't want to beat around the bush; Lord knows I did enough of that when there was the true potential for dating.
I Love you. And I'm hurtin real bad right now because I know I let a good thing get away and there is and was no justification for it. Know that I don't blame you one iota for the way things turned out between us; and truth be told, I have no room to complain, because even though you're not in my life the way I would like you to be NOW, you're still in my life as a really good friend.
Hah, I put emphasis on the word "now" because if I was focused THEN, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Instead we'd be sitting on our couch in our house or apartment, smiling at one another and listening to good R&B music; you know the kind that you like to listen to and that you put me back on to remind me of how good Love must've used to be, because the music is still so good. What's that word you use to describe it? Ah, yeah, that's right; timeless. Man, I miss hearing the way you enunciate that word with a lisp.
Well, at any rate, I let too much time pass along. And understand when I say that it affected us both. Saying "no" to you was what allowed me to be an adolescent longer than I should have. The consequence of my actions is that I’m older and alone. And some days, I feel like a person at the airport looking for their lost luggage. Because I know now I come with even more baggage, just not quite sure what it is. Back when we were kickin’ it, I knew exactly what and where my baggage was; now it’s just. . .it’s. . .it’s just. . .(sigh)
It took me some time, but I have finally been able to move on. What once consumed me. . .all of me, has faded a bit and has become a painting on the wall of my house rather than my house. I know I may be confusing you a bit. Let me see if I can explain: All this time, I still imagined that there was a chance for us to get together; you know, the right way. My desire to get with you and right my wrongs, was all-consuming. And it clouded my thoughts every day. Getting with you became all that I could think about. You were my house.
And then one day, my heart just. . .let it go. I came to the realization that getting together would never happen and that I should just be contented with our friendship; truth is, it is a really great friendship and I know that. So through the strength of my memory, I will never forget the story of “us.” The painting. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, a rearrangement of my house was in order. And I think I got it right this time.
The thing that disturbs me most is knowing that you can only be a painting. And that one day, you’ll have a house and I’ll have a house and our friendship can’t be as strong as it is now. That’s life. I just wanted to let you know that I will always Love you. Ha, I know. . .it sounds corny like I’m bitin’ off that Whitney Houston song. But it’s very true. Love and friendships go hand and hand, just as much as Love and being a couple.
My Love for you is so strong, that I truly wish you only the best; even if that best cannot be with me. Well, I think that’s all I wanted to say. I don’t think I told you anything you didn’t know already, but I wanted to be able to say it out in the open loud enough for my inner self to hear. The fact that it is now said, will register with me some relief. Take care of yourself, and I’ll talk to you later.
What? What’s that? Ahhh, yes. I Love you too!!
----------------------------------------------------
Just so everyone knows, this piece is about no one in particular. Most men have had the unfortunate experience of seeing a good Woman, get away; I’m no different. For me it’s probably been several. Like all of the rest of my writings, what makes this piece true and not so fictional is that it comes out of me, so it must be a part of me. No need quibbling over what’s fantasy or just fancy. It is and I am.
As I get older, I find myself challenging myself more on the notion of being an adult and adulthood. It’s more than just getting older; it’s growing wiser. And bottling up the same old feelings I did when I was younger is a sign of stunted growth. I don’t want that for myself.
They say writing releases you from certain emotional responsibilities that we carry around as burdens. Until one day, you let it go. I hope that is true. For some, it’s time to just hang those pictures up on the wall and move into a new, more true house.
Look, I have something that I need to get off my chest. And I don't want to beat around the bush; Lord knows I did enough of that when there was the true potential for dating.
I Love you. And I'm hurtin real bad right now because I know I let a good thing get away and there is and was no justification for it. Know that I don't blame you one iota for the way things turned out between us; and truth be told, I have no room to complain, because even though you're not in my life the way I would like you to be NOW, you're still in my life as a really good friend.
Hah, I put emphasis on the word "now" because if I was focused THEN, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Instead we'd be sitting on our couch in our house or apartment, smiling at one another and listening to good R&B music; you know the kind that you like to listen to and that you put me back on to remind me of how good Love must've used to be, because the music is still so good. What's that word you use to describe it? Ah, yeah, that's right; timeless. Man, I miss hearing the way you enunciate that word with a lisp.
Well, at any rate, I let too much time pass along. And understand when I say that it affected us both. Saying "no" to you was what allowed me to be an adolescent longer than I should have. The consequence of my actions is that I’m older and alone. And some days, I feel like a person at the airport looking for their lost luggage. Because I know now I come with even more baggage, just not quite sure what it is. Back when we were kickin’ it, I knew exactly what and where my baggage was; now it’s just. . .it’s. . .it’s just. . .(sigh)
It took me some time, but I have finally been able to move on. What once consumed me. . .all of me, has faded a bit and has become a painting on the wall of my house rather than my house. I know I may be confusing you a bit. Let me see if I can explain: All this time, I still imagined that there was a chance for us to get together; you know, the right way. My desire to get with you and right my wrongs, was all-consuming. And it clouded my thoughts every day. Getting with you became all that I could think about. You were my house.
And then one day, my heart just. . .let it go. I came to the realization that getting together would never happen and that I should just be contented with our friendship; truth is, it is a really great friendship and I know that. So through the strength of my memory, I will never forget the story of “us.” The painting. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, a rearrangement of my house was in order. And I think I got it right this time.
The thing that disturbs me most is knowing that you can only be a painting. And that one day, you’ll have a house and I’ll have a house and our friendship can’t be as strong as it is now. That’s life. I just wanted to let you know that I will always Love you. Ha, I know. . .it sounds corny like I’m bitin’ off that Whitney Houston song. But it’s very true. Love and friendships go hand and hand, just as much as Love and being a couple.
My Love for you is so strong, that I truly wish you only the best; even if that best cannot be with me. Well, I think that’s all I wanted to say. I don’t think I told you anything you didn’t know already, but I wanted to be able to say it out in the open loud enough for my inner self to hear. The fact that it is now said, will register with me some relief. Take care of yourself, and I’ll talk to you later.
What? What’s that? Ahhh, yes. I Love you too!!
----------------------------------------------------
Just so everyone knows, this piece is about no one in particular. Most men have had the unfortunate experience of seeing a good Woman, get away; I’m no different. For me it’s probably been several. Like all of the rest of my writings, what makes this piece true and not so fictional is that it comes out of me, so it must be a part of me. No need quibbling over what’s fantasy or just fancy. It is and I am.
As I get older, I find myself challenging myself more on the notion of being an adult and adulthood. It’s more than just getting older; it’s growing wiser. And bottling up the same old feelings I did when I was younger is a sign of stunted growth. I don’t want that for myself.
They say writing releases you from certain emotional responsibilities that we carry around as burdens. Until one day, you let it go. I hope that is true. For some, it’s time to just hang those pictures up on the wall and move into a new, more true house.
posted by JayGee at 2/20/2007 03:07:00 PM
2 Comments:
Bravo! So articulate.
I keep coming back to this because I like it so much. On one note, I would like to think that I left warm fuzzies in the men I've dated. I don't feel the need to have that conversation though. One found me on MySpace and asked his friend to tell me to give him a call. Well, I didn't. He's no longer a friend. I'm glad he's one that got away! Then there is the one I dated after college. Kwame is great. I can't say I wish things had worked out. I can say that he is one of those paintings that I will always cherish.
On another note, this post makes me angry because the relationship between a man and woman are so complicated when they don't have to be. I understand maturity plays a role. It's just frustrating and becomes increasingly more difficult to rebound after you've been knocked down even though you know the relationship wasn't mean to last.
I'm rambling. Just have several random thoughts as a result of reading this post.
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