The first can’t be last, if the last is the – second

Meaning? Two posts in January 2008. It has been a busy month indeed. And I haven’t had much time to talk to my mind, i.e. write. I feel really bad about not posting, because I don’t want this endeavor to fall off. So in spite of myself, I am writing down a “now” thought so that I can have more than just one post in January of 2008.

What’s a “now” thought? A “now” thought is as it sounds. I don’t necessarily know what I’m about to cogitate on, but I type relatively fast and so I’ll try to type out what I’m thinking – on paper – now. Here goes.

Man, it’s raining pretty hard outside now. Those cars are driving relatively fast considering the magnitude of the rain. They should slow down before an accident happens. They already can’t drive worth a damn in the UK.

I can’t wait to get home. I know I have to go to the gym; I hope this rain won’t be a deterrent. I just gotta let it do what it do and make sure I don’t spend too much time lingering in my house from the moment I get in the door, to the moment I need to be leaving to go to the gym.

I’m happy it’s Thursday afternoon already. The time is just flying. It’s ridiculous. I guess I should look at it as a blessing because I have more on my plate at work. And they always say good work begets more work. So I can use it as a non-verbal communicator that my manager likes what I’m doing. Hell, I know he does anyway, he just told it to me in an update we had a couple hours ago.

I don’t know why I try and psyche myself out so much. If only people knew how much of a cocky SOB I am. Sorry Mom. I think I have a right to be. Not saying that I always get it right, but if where I am now is an average of all my successes and my failures, then I must be above average. I don’t know why I feel it behooves me to play the modest game so much, but politics are everywhere.

My concession to the greater powers that be that how I am and what I am is not all because of me. But I am my own spokesman. Commingling modesty and self-promotion seem to be one of my really good strengths. I know this, because I do it without much thought. It’s a part of who you meet and who you come to know. Though not conscious actions, it’s no accident that I present this way. What am I talking about?

(Singing) I’m in the mood for loveeee, simply because you’re near me!!

HAHAHAHA! I love that song. I need to start reading more. I tell people that reading picks right up after football season. I hope that remains true. I’m not doing nearly the same amount of mental growing that I feel I was doing this time last year. I guess I had more time each day to myself though. No cook, cleaner or driver here. I have to prepare my own meals, clean my own place and walk to the damn train. That alone zaps up more time than I have to myself these days.

(rapping)

Bum stiggedy bum stiggedy bum, hon, 

I got the old pa-rum-pum-pum-pum

But I can fe-fi ya fo, diddly-fum, here I come

So Peter Piper, I'm hyper than Pinocchio’s nose

‘Cuz I'm the supercalafragilistic tic-tac pro

I gave my oopsy, daisy, now you've got the crazy

Crazy with the books, Googley-goo where's the gravy

So one two, unbuckle my, um shoe

Yabba Doo, hippity-hoo, crack a brew

So trick or treat, smell my feet, yup I drippedy-dropped a hit

So books get on your mark and spark that old crazy ish

Drats and double drats, I smiggedy-smacked some whiz kids

The boogedy-woogedly Brooklyn boy's about to get his, dig

My waist bone's connected to my hip bone

My hip bone's connected to my thigh bone

My thigh bone's connected to my knee bone

My knee bone's connected to my hardy-har-har-har

The jibbedy-jabber jaw ja-jabbing at your funny bone, um

Skip the ovaltine, I'd rather have a honeycomb

Or preferably the sesame, Let's spiggedy-spark the blunts, um

Dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun

I’m thirsty. (Take sip of Diet Coke)

Man – Das Efx were ahead of their time. High-larious.

I wonder what it would be like to live her longer than a year. Up! Meeting, gotta get ready for it. I can’t wait to go home.

______________________________________________________

That’s it. Sorry it couldn’t be more awe-inspiring, but it was just a couple of “now” thoughts. They can’t all be profound.

2008

What a huge difference 16 days can make
I’m back where I started
Hello dearly departed
My plane dearly departed
From the location where I all started
Brooklyn Baby
Always in my heart it
Seems we have left 2007 behind
A new year is upon us
It’s time we stare beyond us
In 2008
To created a world that’s great
We must continue to build us
Or start with a clean slate
I’m thankful for the things
That 2007 has created
New friendships and opportunities
Baby boys and baby girls
And newly weds
Love unconditionally
Stronger bonds with my friends
Tighter bonds with my family
With a broader network of connections,
We are poised to win
And again
My iPod that sings to me
For those times when I get sick for home
And I feel no one knows me
I kick back and create my very own
Musical being
Thank you all for the love that you gave me
Back home
From Greensboro to Alexandria
Chicago to Astoria
Manhattan, Jersey, Brooklyn
Family and friends
Long dinners out
To quiet nights in
Sit back, recline my seat
And let the plane get me there
Oh yeah
2008 is going to be another very good year

World View (A piece/peace)

Do you know when the world really seems out of sorts? The world really seems out of sorts when your future reality is only someone else’s dream. And in your mind, you see possibility, but they see plausibility. You see long term and they see under no certain terms. You know what it takes and they take what you know and hang it on their wall like a digital reprint of a famous painting. Texture removed and obscured by the inability of its own unoriginality; a copy if you will.

Isn’t that what dreams are sometimes? If it’s fathomable, then a dream is nothing more than a digital reprint of what somebody else has already done. Very rarely do we dream unique; as adults anyway. A kid who dreams to fly will one day understand that either they can become a pilot or it won’t happen. And that’s not sad, that’s reality. Kind of like, the person who can’t see the reality in what they only dream of doing; what you can see being done. . .if only. . .effort were applied.

Endangered species. That’s what realization is. It has become an endangered species for those so stymied by fear that they refuse to try to make real what they only dare dream. That’s like having wings, but not flying. Like having fins, but not swimming. Like having feet, but not moving. Having feet, but not moving. Crippled dreams are far worse than failure to succeed at something attempted. Sometimes – just sometimes, I wish all my people would realize this and just pick-up and move.

Black Locks

She locks her arms around me
Makes me feel warm and safe
Like her locks on her head
Deliberate but woven with haste
Her lips taste
Like apple juice paste
Brown sugar skin when wet
Chocolate mist
Hershey’s kiss
Beneath my sullen eyes
Tired sinks in, but energy rise
I’m alive
Locked in her locks
I die
Then awaken reborn
Only to find myself free
But hating it
Locks